© 2009 Vinny Ribas

For as many years as I can remember, I have chosen to play the role of supporting actor in many people’s lives. For example, I was the assistant director of a nonprofit for 4 years, and was greatly instrumental in moving that company from literally having no income at all to having a $1M annual budget. There, my job was to make the executive director look great! I have played drums and keyboards and been the bandleader for many amazingly talented singers. Of course, my job was to make them look and sound like superstars. I have been an advisor to numerous CEOs. My job has always been to help each one of them be successful in their own right. I took great pride in every one of these roles because I love making other people shine, and I’ve been pretty good at it!

Some people live their entire lives playing those support roles, and are very content in doing so. However, there comes a time for some people when they feel that they’ve proven themselves enough times to believe that they too can play the lead, with other people playing the supporting roles. That is exactly where I find myself right now. I am running as hard as I can with an idea that I believe I have the ability, the passion and the work ethic to grow into a transformational organization that will benefit musicians and music fans worldwide (see www.indieconnect.net)!

I know that to many, that sounds egotistical. Others also might think it’s an unattainable pipedream rather than a realistic vision. But not to me. And the reason I know that it is achievable is not because of my own self-confidence. It is because of all of the amazing ‘supporting actors’ who have seen and believe in my vision. It seems like every time I realize that I need to fill a specific role, someone with the exact qualifications, skills, talent or connections that I need shows up! I could never accomplish something of this magnitude alone. But together, I know we will be more successful than even I can imagine at this point.

I don’t know how to express my unending gratitude to everyone who is supporting me in so many ways right now. It is truly quite overwhelming. I know, and I believe that they know, that I will do everything in my power to bring them each a hundred-fold return on the time, mentorship, encouragement and resources that they have and continue to invest in me.

Every one of us has people around us whose job it is to make us shine. For them to do their work willingly and to the best of their ability, they simply need to feel appreciated. We also have people who voluntarily go out of their way to help us be successful. It is not their job or responsibility, but they do it anyway because they believe in us, care about us and want to see us reach the top. They don’t ask for anything – they just give. But one thing that I am certain of is that they will disappear into thin air the second they feel that they are just being taken for granted. It is OUR responsibility to make sure that they get their share of our spotlight. 

Look around. Who has been there holding you up when you fall? Who encourages you when life throws you curves? Who willingly works overtime to insure that you have everything you need to achieve your dreams? Who goes the extra mile to make you shine? Let them know that you know how much they have helped you. Acknowledge how big a role they’ve played in any success you’ve achieved or will achieve. And just as importantly, recognize that they too may someday feel the need to step into their own leading role. Let them know that you would be there to support them 110% should they ever make that decision, just as they have been there for you. None of us are self-made. It takes a large and dedicated team to make even just one person a star!

© 2009 Vinny Ribas

Times change. Circumstances change. Feelings change. Priorities get re-arranged. Change is inevitable, and no force of nature, willpower or human endeavor can prevent it from happening. 

Sometimes it is easy to go with the flow when things change. The progression seems natural and logical, and the results are unobtrusive. Like the flow from one season to another, no one is surprised or taken back by the new surroundings. No one gets hurt or upset. The change just happens, and everyone and everything remains at peace with it.

Obviously, there are other times when change is radical, extreme and unexpected. It can be surprisingly good (e.g. winning the lottery) or devastatingly bad (e.g. losing your job). Good or bad, it can rock even the most stable and well-grounded individual.

Then there is the kind of change that we know in our hearts must occur, yet for some reason, we refuse to let go of it. There is certain kind of peace in what has been our comfort zone. And even if it is no longer ‘comfortable’, we often choose to hang on just a little bit longer than we probably should. One example of this is not quitting what we know is a dead-end job. Another is staying in a poor and/or unhealthy relationship. One more might be constantly complaining and comparing your new situation to your old situation instead of embracing the changes that have occurred and using the new opportunities to expand your horizons. I have to believe that we are all guilty of this kind of thinking or behavior at one time or another. 

Why do we have such a tendency to hold on tightly to the past? For some, it is simply the fear of change. For others it might be the unwillingness to start over. Others fear losing something they have or have had in the past. And still others just need to be in control of their lives all of the time, and having to change might mean relinquishing some of that control. Some people hold on to the past for dear life, swinging from the thinnest remaining thread if necessary. Others let things go very slowly and deliberately. Others are willing to draw the line and leave the past behind them, anxious to embark on new adventures. 

These are all common human reactions. The challenge comes when holding on too long to the past slows down our forward progress. Those constant comparisons to “how it used to be” can suck the life out of otherwise new and exciting situations. Those threads of the past that we hang on to so dearly could be tying up time, money and energy that should be spent on building our futures.

Take a quick inventory of your surroundings. Notice the keepsakes that you have. Most of them will be important and represent positive times in your past. Check to see if there are any that you should let go of once and for all. Are there people you still feel emotionally connected to who are no longer positive influences in your life? Make a mental checklist of the thoughts and emotions from the past that you still drag around behind you like oversized baggage. Are there any that it is time to break free from? Think about how making a clean break and a fresh start might help your current situation and your future. 

There is almost a ‘high’ that comes from letting go. It is an overwhelming feeling of relief. You can feel a huge weight being lifted off of your shoulders. Most importantly, you now have the capacity to embrace the future will all of that passion and emotion that was monopolized by the past and now has suddenly been freed up!    

© 2009 Vinny Ribas

We all feel most comfortable when we have things under control. Of course, ‘under control’ can mean different things to different people. For some, it means making enough money. For others it might mean having balance between their work and their private lives. Still others feel in control when they are fulfilled by their spiritual life. Many people feel under control only if they are secure in their relationship with their spouse or significant other. You may be troubled because you don’t have a handle on your health, your weight, your job etc. Whatever it means to you, when you get there it is certainly a good feeling.

Unfortunately, many people never experience that sense of contentment that comes from having things ‘under control’. It might be because of their high-strung nature, their tendencies to be disorganized, or their inability to attain the goals that they have set for themselves.  They may not make enough money to live on, be in a bad relationship or even no relationship at all. Whatever the reason, it leaves them feeling uneasy, anxious and sometimes discombobulated. It can cause ulcers, headaches, stress and so much more!

Moving from feeling out of control to feeling in control is not always the easiest task to achieve. Sometimes we get caught up in just trying to get caught up! We may feel overwhelmed, confused, incapable, incompetent etc.  It can be a long and even tedious process, but well worth putting in the effort!

Here are some ideas to help you get and keep control of your life:

• Know what causes you to feel off-center. It may be one thing, or it may be several. Be honest with yourself. You can’t fix things if you don’t know exactly what is broken. In particular, look at these areas of your life: social, spiritual, financial, family, work, recreation and personal. 
• Prioritize the list you’ve developed, with the most vital changes at the top of the list. Chances are that the ones that weigh heaviest on your mind will take the most effort. Work on just one at first. Don’t try to fix all of the bigger things at once. Seeing success in one will motivate you to tackle the next one.
• Determine to what level things need to change. Sometimes making small adjustments can make a huge difference. For example, making a ‘to do’ list and prioritizing the tasks on it can quickly help someone who feels overwhelmed with too many demands. It can turn a life of confusion into a more organized and productive one.
• Ask for help and support in coming up with a plan to change the things you’ve identified need changing. Find people who have these areas of their work or personal life in balance, and ask them how they do it. Most people are more than happy to share their wisdom and experience with someone who really wants to learn!
• Find an accountability partner. Ask someone you trust to watch over you to make certain that you are doing the things that you’ve identified need to be done to regain control.
• Keep on keeping on. Some things will be harder to accomplish than others. Temptation to return to old habits will often be difficult to refuse. Keeping the end goal in mind and in front of you will help you stay focused.
• Be aware that many things can’t be changed in a day, a week, a month or even in a year. However, things that will take a long time to change, such as losing weight, can be broken down into smaller, more attainable steps. Many problems are the result of old, ingrained habits that are tremendously difficult to break. Cut yourself some slack, but don’t make excuses!
• Reward yourself continuously. Everyone needs a pat on the back. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself one! If you’ve been consistent in doing the little things that you’ve broken your bigger goals down into, be sure to congratulate yourself. Of course, don’t reward yourself with something that will reverse the hard work you’ve put in.

Often times, just being engaged in the process of making changes is enough to cleanse our spirit considerably. With serious intent, reasonable expectations, consistent effort and unwavering patience, you can change anything in your life that causes you to feel out of control!